Is this how it starts? March 12, 2009

Most of my classmates and I will be taking the biggest test of our lives in June. Not the biggest test so far–pretty much the biggest test ever. Performance on the USMLE 1 pretty much is the last time you take a national test for the grade instead of a pass/fail certification. Now officially, your score isn’t supposed to matter, but lots of residency programs use your score compared to other 2nd year medical students to decide whether or not to even interview you for their program. I’ve been working like whoa the last month or so to start picking up all this knowledge I’ll need for the test.

Last week, this pretty much fell apart. How can I stay focused for 3 and a half more months, if I can’t even hack it the 7 full weeks leading up to our Comprehensive Basic Sciences Exam, which is basically a benchmark test for the school to see how prepared we are? I’ve been blaming my poor study habits lately on the windy weather (even my doctor said that I’m “allergic to Lubbock” and the best medicine for me would be to move away–believe me, I’m working on it) but I’m beginning to think that a big part of all this is just general burn-out.

I tend to keep to myself when I’m trying to be focused (I know, group study, blah, blah, better, blah –but this works for me–my grades have been improving!) and so I pretty much assume, constantly, that everyone else is always more focused, always working harder than I am, always handling things better than I do. Not so. Even holed up in my cave of an apartment the past few days, I’ve heard some stories about stress tantrums of other students. All night drinking/partying, fights with significant others, general non-productiveness and lots of focus on other projects (my email box has been filling up). So while I wouldn’t wish these kinds of problems on anyone, it is reassuring to know I’m not the only one who is dealing with burn-out.

Just chilling completely is not in my MO–I’m coming from lack-luster 1st year grades, trying to score in the 230 range for the residencies I want. If I had been doing my thing from the start of med school, this score wouldn’t be a problem, but it took me a while to find my groove, so I’ve got a lot of information to pick up before the 6 week cramming period.

My big fear is–should I just expect this every 4-6 weeks until Step? Should I expect it to get worse? Do I need to back off so I don’t freak out completely, or dig in to maximize my study gains and hope the knowledge that I’m doing all I can will help my confidence level? What do you do to handle all the stress?

With over 3 months to go, I’d love any advice I can get from the voices of experience…

He probably wasn’t much fun at holiday parties. December 16, 2008

“God is dead.” –Friedrich Nietzsche

“Everything unconditional belongs in pathology.”–Nietzche again.

“Don’t be a Debbie Downer!“–Corinne Ulrich

Although Fred certainly is thought provoking from a philosophical and social perspective, Corinne’s practicality wins me over every time.

May the tidings and trappings of the Season bring you warmth.

(and Merry Christmas, C)

Words to Live By. November 22, 2008

Those who know me personally can undoubtedly confirm that I have trouble keeping my mouth shut. At least I’m aware of it.  As a consequence, I tend to collect advice on how to stay quiet.  Two of my favorites:

It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say, and then don’t say it.–Sam Levenson

Think before you speak. Read before you think. This will give you something to think about that you didn’t make up yourself-a wise move at any age, but most especially at seventeen when you are in greatest danger of coming to annoying conclusions.–Fran Lebowitz

For wisdom less witty, but certainly just as practical, four questions generally attributed to His Holiness the Dalai Lama:

1. Is it TRUE?
2. Is it NECESSARY?
3. Is it KIND?
4. Is it HELPFUL?

I find these to be excellent checkpoints in conversation, whether the “should I or shouldn’t I?” question applies to a juicy bit of gossip or a difficult business/academic matter. I’d probably fare better if I used them more often.

For Amanda (roll over for captions):

Just a Great Day November 15, 2008

Life has been so good lately it’s hard to believe.  And with trips home to my family (everyone is going to be there this year!!!) and the conclusion of my MAJOR FALL PROJECT so close in the future (21 days and counting!), I only see it getting better.  In the spirit of Thanksgiving (my favorite holiday), here’s a short list of reasons why my Saturday was fantastic:

1. I slept my fill. Sure that it was close to eleven, I guiltily arose to check my alarm and realized it was only 7:30 am.  So I brewed some coffee and goofed around for the rest of the morning.
2. For lunch, SH recommended this little health food store on 34th. They have a café that tastes like one of my old undergrad haunts, so now I have a new favorite place to eat.
3. Spent all afternoon at J&B’s coffee making note cards. More satisfying than it sounds. Saw buddies PW & AY.  A little girl roared at me from over her father’s shoulder. I roared back.   Rrrrrrr!
4. Got in a little AIM chatting with JA, who’s been really stressed out lately. He sounded really upbeat, which makes me happy.
5. Helped PW with some girlfriend birthday ideas. Felt useful.
6. Went running at my favorite park. 4 miles. First was under 6 min, others definitely under 8 min. Kind of super excited about that.
7. Tried my hand at making grilled tofu-spinach-tomato-mozzarella melt sandwiches for dinner. They were surprisingly tasty (I marinated the tofu in Heinz 57 and Worcestershire sauce.).
8. Played with kitty. yay for quality time.
9. And I think even with all this goodness I’ll be in bed by ten forty-five.

Good day.

Hugh McGuire: Why Academics Should Blog October 30, 2008

He makes a good case. So go read it, and then create some space and start writing already!

Hugh McGuire: Why Academics Should Blog

Five years too late, I find out that I’m emo. March 2, 2008

Peter, if you read this, it’s okay to laugh. Yesterday as we were driving to Slaton for an art festival, he informed me that I am an Emo kid. Apparently, I was completely confused about what constitutes Emo, and discovered that many of my favorite bands (i.e. Rainer Maria, Bright Eyes, etc) fit the category. In his words, “Do you go home at night and write sad poetry in your diary Kate? Because you are definitely Emo. Wait, I guess you’d need a blog.” And I remembered, Hey! I have one! Originally this was going to be a site of dispersion for political news and human rights violations, but I started back when I had a life, right before medical school. So that never really got off the ground. I’m these days, I’m lucky if I find time to read the Bhatany Report, the blog bulletin from my favorite leftist.

But the blog is still around. Given that I need some kind of outlet for all this absurdity that is med school, and that my recently acquired Emo status pretty much demands it, I’m going to start using this space for all the funny and frustrating tidbits that I just can’t keep to myself. Enjoy!