Sometimes I wonder if medicine is getting more fun, or if I’m actually just being absorbed into the system. Like today….we had a patient who I truly cared about, but has a really difficult case. To avoid any HIPPA violations, we’ll just say that psychiatric issues are involved in a major way. Several members of my team don’t take her seriously, and when morning pre-rounds uncovered her in an “episode,” I went to fetch my colleague (classmate) in arms. She gave me a look, and I almost sniggered. In the room with the patient. And her mother. And of course I feel pretty guilty, but my mind also remembers the first week of medical school, two and a half years ago now, when my anatomy professors were quick to reassure us that any response to a dead body is a normal response to a dead body (let’s assume he was excluding weird but interesting quirks such as necrophilia).
It was my response to an incredibly heartbreaking, helpless situation. This girl has problems that “medical” science can’t fix–she needs a sensitive psychiatrist, a lot of talk therapy, and maybe some anti-psychotics. But the attending on the floor certainly wasn’t trained to deal with her, and he knows it. We turfed as quick as we could. And when the turf came in, I was happy.
For the uninitiated, turf is the medical term for the shorthand “TRF,” which means transfer. If you’ve read House of God, an irreverent and whimsical if not altogether untruthful account of medicine, you know all about it. According to the author, turfing is something like the holy grail of medicine, and you “buff” the charts (make them look all shiny iow like an easy admit&discharge) in order to do it. In reality, that’s an awful perspective. You want to give someone the best possible care you can, and send them home well with a plan to prevent ending up back in the hospital. But sometimes, (especially when the floor is full and you haven’t had near as much sleep as you like), you get overwhelmed by emotional family members, difficult patients, and even more difficult case problems.
Sometimes, it feels like you can’t catch a break in your personal life, with your family, your friends, your romances, and your future plans, and you just want anything to feel like a win.
Sometimes you have to give in to the joy of the turf.
Last week, this pretty much fell apart. How can I stay focused for 3 and a half more months, if I can’t even hack it the 7 full weeks leading up to our Comprehensive Basic Sciences Exam, which is basically a benchmark test for the school to see how prepared we are? I’ve been blaming my poor study habits lately on the windy weather (even my doctor said that I’m “allergic to Lubbock” and the best medicine for me would be to move away–believe me, I’m working on it) but I’m beginning to think that a big part of all this is just general burn-out.
For those seeking art and beauty, Chicago is full of richness in sights, textures, and sounds. The Art Institute of Chicago and a boat or walking tour of downtown to experience the epoc of early twentieth century architecture are highly recommended. And or course, there is good blues music almost everywhere.
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